Wholesome Whore

One Way Ticket to Hell is divine.
by Andria Regan
Rating: 4.5 out of 5

Darling Cassandra Leigh done growed up to be a smack hussl’n whore. Who’d have thought that one sweet little girl’s descent into sin could be so fun?

One Way Ticket to Hell at the Marilyn Monroe Theatre in West L.A. is the song and dance of a young and innocent ’60s moral snob, stripped to her inner longings of modern day trouble and adventure. It’s like Grease, with the spray-can cheesy song and dance numbers, but with bad words, heavy drug use, and gays. It was everything I hoped for and more.

Cassandra Leigh (Kristen Howe) plays the stereotypical product of back-in-the-day, sweet, paper-thin morality. But as suspected, old-fashioned ideals play modern day therapy sessions; step-daddy (Jack Harding) is a molester, and mommy dearest (Barbara Passolt) is a ‘doesn’t-give-a-shit-drunk.’ Thank god it’s a comedy. It’s no wonder when the little miss goes looking for an escape and finds it in the after school special gang conveniently hanging out just beyond her window.

Now, if I were ever going to join a gang, I would very much like to be invited into this one—the one hanging outside Cassandra Leigh’s white picket fence enjoining her to enter the dark side. They’re fantastic, and certainly do their job leading our main lady down the road of trouble, though she really doesn’t need much nudging. Soon enough, Cassandra gets hooked on the junk, starts peddling, purposely marries “not gay” Johnnie (Joe Settineri), has boyfriend Chico (DT Matias) on the side, and is being monitored for a take-down by Lt. Jason (Ron Nummi).

The story isn’t exactly unique, but with stellar direction from Richard Hochberg and a small posse of talented professionals handling the music (Robert Cioffi), choreography (Josh Prince), and lyrical dialogue (Drew Taylor), One Way Ticket to Hell is one of those rare productions that gives you your money’s worth. It’s sarcastic and funny and intelligent. The songs are entertaining, and the choreography made me giggle in a good way. One of my favorite lines (and there’s a bucket to choose from) was Cassandra Leigh’s response to her mother’s, “There are plenty of starving children in Africa!” “Name three,” she replies.

Howe, who originated the role of Cassandra Leigh, spearheads what is a most enjoyable cast of actors, and makes you appreciate the difference between those who do, and those who do well. Passolt is fantastic, masterfully managing a character who really lacks any likable traits, and yet you love him anyway. Harding plays icky with humor and finesse, while still staying on this most important side of the line. Settineri takes his stereotypical “not gay” character by the balls and juggles them like a pro. Similarly, P.J. Griffith takes what could be throw-away characters and makes them distinguishable by adding unique textures to his base coat. Erin Stoddard is amusing in the first half, but it’s in the second that she’s able to really strut her talent. Matias gets the job done, and has some really enjoyable moments, though there were times when I just wanted more out of him. And Nummi simply tops it off, icing what amounts to an incredible job by incredible actors.

If you’re only going to take my advice once, I insist that you make this that one time. (Unless it’s between jumping, or not jumping, off a bridge—then that’s probably the one you should choose).

Go see this play. Its crew has invested some major time and talent into this production, and it gives a full return. When all is said and done, One Way Ticket to Hell amounts to a small treasure, and leaves me, still, with a deep yearning to whip out “Doin’ the Bitchslap” next time I go dancing. I feel, however, that I must state the obvious; this is not a production for the easily offended—and what a shame if that’s the case because it’s one hell of a ride and it’s about time we all learned to make fun of ourselves, and better yet, make fun of others. LAA

Now showing at the Marilyn Monroe Theater, 7936 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood. (866) 811-4111. $40.