by Jen Sincero
Sex is something that drives us, empowers us, and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Be you the studliest of studs or the coyest of virgins, there are always questions, and there’s always room for growth. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author, sexpert and motivational cattle prodder with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her all the questions your filthy little mind is having trouble answering on its own: advice@jensincero.com. And sign up for her weekly newsletter at www.jensincero.com. Cuz there’s no such thing as being too good in bed.
Dear Jen,
I finally got the guts to go on my first girl-girl date. It started out really well, but then she kept wanting to drag the date out, and when we went back to my place, she didn’t want to leave. The date started out on Saturday at noon, and ended on Sunday at 4:45 pm when I finally kicked her out. Are all lezzies like this? Please. She cancelled a date with another girl to continue to be with me on Sunday! And cancelled a trip out of town this weekend, thinking that I will want to spend more time with her…um, no thank you. I feel like I’ve had a year-long relationship with this chick, and it’s only been two days! How do I drop her without feeling like she’ll have a nervous breakdown?
- Desperately Seeking a Nice Way to Dump Her
Dear Nice,
Um, I’m trying to think of something clever to say here, but I just can’t. And I’m trying not to be too harsh, but this is such a ridiculous letter. Unless you were handcuffed to the radiator with a rolled-up sock taped in your mouth and a rifle in your ear, I don’t understand why you were on such a long date with someone you had no interest in hanging out with. I can see having trouble getting rid of someone for, say, an hour or two, but you let it go on for nearly thirty hours? And you’re trying to blame the entire lesbian population for it?
Since I can’t think of anything clever to say, I’m going to point out some of the clever things you said:
“But then she kept wanting to drag the date out, and when we went back to my place…â€
How does one get back to your place without your assistance? And why would you assist if it was a drag? Please. Indeed.
“She cancelled a date with another girl to continue to be with me on Sunday!â€
This would have been a good time to tell her you had other plans.
In my old age, nothing bores me more than people with victim complexes. She sounds like a clingy nightmare, but you sound like a wuss. Call her and tell her it was nice meeting her, but you’re just not feeling it and don’t want to continue to date. Or be her friend (if she’s that obsessive, she’ll cling to any crumb you give her). Then don’t take any of her phone calls (of which there will be many) or contact her again. If she has a nervous breakdown after only knowing you for twenty-four hours, that’s her-and her therapist’s- problem. Here’s what you don’t do: Don’t invite her over so you can spend the weekend not telling her how you don’t want to date her, and then blame it on her when she doesn’t go away.
Dear Jen,
I recently started sleeping with a woman who can squirt. This was a first for me. In a good session, I can get her to squirt twice and a lot each time. It feels so right. Any downsides? Is there some reason more women don’t seem to do this? Is there some way I can tell in advance (other than asking) if a woman can squirt? Does advancing age or menopause stop the ability to squirt? I’m pleasured but puzzled.
- Squirtaholic
Dear Squirtaholic,
My Mom told me that the first time she took me out on Halloween, we knocked on someone’s door, I screamed trick or treat like I was told to and then nearly fell over when a nice lady dropped some candy in my bag. Free candy! For no good reason? AND I get to wear a rabbit costume? I had no idea. I couldn’t believe the human race could come up with such a brilliant idea. I was floored.
It sounds like you’ve just been introduced to something equally as earth shattering—squirting AND I get to have sex, too?! And I love your enthusiasm, especially since so many people are freaked out by female ejaculation. The only downsides are that the aforementioned freakout makes a lot of women feel self-conscious. I’ve also heard of women getting headaches immediately afterwards or being worried that they’ve accidentally pissed all over the place. And then there’s the massive wet spot.
Age and menopause have nothing to do with it, other than the drop in hormone levels which can make women less interested in sex all together. The fluid comes from the urethra (scientists are still working around the clock to figure out just what it’s made of) so it’s unrelated to aging.
And as far as spotting the squirters…you are kidding, yes? Learning what people are packing in their pants is like opening a Christmas present. The surprise is part of the fun. But if it’s that important to you, and you’re with a willing lady, she can learn how to do it if she’s never done it before. For more info, check out Web sites like:
http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/ejacula.htm
http://www.joanelloyd.com/fbejac.htm