Rockstar Super No!

Where were L.A. dimwits in the recent reality show contest?
by Glenn Dugan

The recent cliffhanger conclusion to Rockstar: Supernova, this season’s sleazy hard-rock answer to American Idol, may have left more questions than answers. (How embarrassed are Canadians for birthing the show’s winner, Lukas? for example. How many times did Brooke Burke have to blow Dave Navarro to jump from E! Network travel shows to primetime? Does this mean that rock is finally dead? The list goes on and on…)

The choice of the name “Supernova” for the frontman-less all-star band also seems strange. After all, an astrological supernova is a phase in the death of a star, not the birth of one. Oops. I guess Tommy Lee was too busy getting a dry hand job in Astronomy 101 to catch that.

But what I really want to know is, how did a show like this, filmed in Los Angeles—the undisputed hard rock capital of the world—not offer up a competing contestant? I’d love to say it was because this city’s music scene has shrugged off its ’80s hair metal reputation, but let’s be honest—it hasn’t. No other city has more out-of-work and out-of-ideas musicians than us. Period.

Want proof? I have proof. Thanks to bulletin boards all around L.A. and half-wit Craigslist.org postings, I bring you the cream of the Musicians Wanted crop. Shit, Canada’s got nothin’ on us.

- 10+ years experienced guitarist and singer looking for bassist and drummer. Influences include anything from Led Zeppelin, Chili Peppers, Guns N’ Roses, Incubus, Pearl Jam, etc… basically anything that’s guitar-based rock. Mainly, we’re looking for a rhythm section that UNDERSTANDS THEIR ROLE in the band, and are more about the song and the groove than about showing off their skills (though, there is plenty of room for that). We’re also NOT interested in any hired guns, or people who are going to try and be in simultaneous bands or several different side and solo projects. Please, no flakes, no psychotic girlfriends, no rookies.

- My demos are radio ready and have today’s sound. Many artists think that sounding like today is a sell-out but the truth is, record companies need to know where to place you in today’s music world. Check out my site’s and let me know if you want to advance your career.

- Must Not Fear: Alternate (low) tunings, poly-rhythms, hard-hitting and polished performance. Keep in mind that we’re NOT looking for someone to copy our old singer.

- Let me preface this post with these words: despite my perhaps angry & uncouth sounding disposition in this posting, I’m upbeat, fun, laid back, genuine, generous, loyal, and other pleasant adjectives pertaining to my demeanor. I’m just done already with prima donnas who think they’re too good for practice, team-values, theory, and even proper tuning.

-Hi, we are a Metal Experienced Serious Bussiness-minded Vocalist & Drummer. Inspiration: In Flames, Carcass, KillswitchEngage, Thrice, AFI, Pantera, Atreyu, Avegend SevenFold, COB, Tori Amos, Iron Maiden etc…

-I play trumpet. I have a few songs I wrote and some half done. I’m open to any other forms of ska as long as everyone’s skankin.

-Dave Stewart seeks Annie Lennox. Assuming you get the analogy, please respond with a link. Sweet dreams ARE made of this…

-Our music is unique and hard rocking for the mostpart. We have goals to get on a tour and continue to promote our band.

-My sound with your style will further shape our industry “world takeover.” We can practice at a place in Van Nuys and then commence gigging dominance in L.A. and beyond. The name of the band (HermaphroditE—pronounced ‘her-ma-fro-dye-tea’, with a lightning bolt for the accent mark over the E. DitE for short.) is designed to conjure up images of Greek or Roman mythology and is a play on words. I also wanted it to be unique so that it would be remembered.

Supernova indeed.